The Nose, The Ear And The Rear End

by Jhet Bhlak on September 29, 2010

Yesterday was a really miserable day to be driving home. Apparently everyone driving had and extra helping of stupid before they got behind the wheel last night. This became abundantly clear many times on the 45 minute drive but the most obvious case of stupidity came from a young Indian woman driving behind me.

The Nose.
It’s used for many things. Most of these uses are pretty productive. Take breathing for instance. Breathing is good and can be done using the nose. Another worthwhile activity using the nose is smelling. Smelling food enhances the flavor. Mmm that food smells good! An activity using the nose that is NOT good is picking. Yes, I said picking. And while picking your nose is not good, picking your nose while driving is exponentially worse.

The Ear.
The ear also has many valuable uses. For example, you could hear the people around you laughing at you for picking your nose. This would allow you to realize the stupidity of your actions and you could then cease. Or you could use your ear to hear the sound of screeching tires as the Indian girl behind you slams on her brakes because she was driving while picking her nose and not paying attention. An activity using the ear that is NOT good is talking on your cell phone while picking your nose and driving.

The Rear End.
Nothing good involves the rear end. Especially not a nose picking, Indian woman talking on a cell phone, ramming into your rear end at 30 mph because she was too busy chatting about the size of the booger she was going to be pulling out of her nose while weaving in and out of traffic and not paying attention.

Now I still cannot decide whether or not I am fortunate or not. The woman didn’t actually hit me. She locked up the tires and came inches away from doing so. And yes, she was picking her nose and talking on her cell phone while weaving in and out of traffic.

The reason I’m not sure if I’m fortunate or not is because of the pictures. Can you imagine the pictures I could have gotten? An Indian woman with two, yes two, fingers forced up her nose at 30 mph? Holy **** that would have been internet gold!

Now what’s ironic is about 15 minutes later I was listening to At Issue on Wisconsin Public Radio with Ben Merens and he had a guest on that was talking about…driving while talking on the cell phone [listen here]. One of the facts they threw around that blew me away was that 21% of all accidents are now caused by cell phones. More than 1 in 5!

The only question I have now is…how many of those 21% also had their fingers up their noses at the same time…

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