Screaming Banshee From Hell De-Mans Jhet At 1AM

So I had kind of a late night and early morning. It all started after I was done gaming. I was getting ready for bed and chatting on the phone about the Olympics. By time I hung up it was unusually late for me. I’d guess around 11ish. Which kinda sucks since I always have a hard time getting up anyway. Seriously. I mean I really need to Buy A Screaming Banshee Alarm Clock . I have 2 alarms set on one clock and I change the time they go off. I also set the clock ahead an hour to an hour and 15 minutes. And I have the radio set on a timer to go off after the alarms since I know I’m gonna hit the snooze for an hour. Oh and I have a light set up on the timer too so I can’t convince myself that the alarm must have some how gone off too early. Ah well, I’ll be in a coma all night then hahahahaha! Ya right, little did I know…

So there I am in la-la-land dreaming something vaguely disturbing. I really don’t remember much about the dreams I was having other than they were overall creepy and demonic-like. You know the kind of dreams I’m talking about. The kind of dream that causes unreasoning terror when you bolt awake from one. They cause you to thrash and writhe all night long, waking you up to a thudding heart, twisted sheets and sweat soaked night clothes.  And then, at the apex of my subsconcious induced terror, she came.

The Banshee. The evil, twisted, demon wench with a voice so terrifyingly horrid that the sound of it can kill a man dead in his tracks! And here she was in my dreams, her ear splitting screech tearing painfully at my ear drums and ripping at my sanity until I thought my skull would explode. But wait! It can’t be in my dreams…I’m awake and my ears hurt!

As I lay there with the blankets twisted in knots around my legs, my heart thudding away like I had just raced Michael Phelps a hundred laps and won, I try and rationalize what has just happened. Petrified stiff, I can still feel the goose pebbles on my arms as I think to myself, “I couldn’t have heard that God awful noise…it was just a dream…why do my ears still hurt? No no no! It’s not real!!‘ That’s right. It can’t be real. That would just be ludicrous! There has to be some logical explanation. Demon Banshee’s from hell don’t exist and if they did why would they pop up in my bedroom in the middle of the night wailing like it’s hearing impaired, country karaoke night?

My heart starts to slow as my mind, which is still terror locked in some quasi-dreamlike state, begins to slowly come around. Ahh but she was waiting. She knows how to play the game. She understands her prey well, this She Demon Banshee B!tch From the Festering Bowels of Hell. She is cunning, she is!

So there I am, my heart rate returning to normal, my breathing becoming less erratic. My limbs begin to lose that terror-locked grip of petrification that had taken hold of them. The fog lessens in my mind as I begin to move my leg to the edge of the bed and…she strikes!! The waves of wailing caterwauling assault my senses and my sanity as my limbs turn to stone, forcing my mind back into that primal state of instinctual fight or flight fear! Years pass in the scant one or two seconds of unbearable yowling that seems to be coming from inside my ears! Adrenaline surges through my body battling the fear stricken rigidness in my limbs  as my mind screams out to God begging him to save me from being dragged to hell by the demon spawn Banshee B!tch! And then…quiet.

It takes a moment for me to realize that the agonizing assault on my senses has ended. Determined to end this viscous attack, I force myself to roll out of bed to my feet and find the source of this terrifying noise. I stumble and lurch my way out of my room and into the hall, my mostly naked, goose pebbled flesh writing novels of terror in bold brail all over my body. Every last hair on my body is standing on end giving me the look of a giant, electrified, human, chia-pet. I look up at the smoke alarm. No no, I say to myself as I dismiss it as the source of the sound of my imminent doom. That’s not what a smoke alarm sounds like.  Smoke alarms beep not wail!

I pass through the hall turning on every light source in reach and head into the computer room. I look at the backup power for one of the computers. Could that be it? I think, Knowing full well that there is no way in hell (no pun intended) that the source of the death knell could have come from there. I unplug it anyway, my hand jittering so much that the cord looks like a live snake being strangled by a rabid chia-boy.

I head downstairs avoiding the closed off spare room (it’s dark in there damn it!) still turning on every light I see creating a giant beacon for any passing cars on the street outside. When I make it down the stairs (Thank God the noise didn’t start up again while I was headed down. There would have been a brown streak down the stairs and a giant dent in the door where I tried to run through it!) I illuminate the living room and kitchen like it’s Christmas. After a cursory look I determine that nothing down here could have caused the noise. I look at the stairs. The irrational portion of my mind, the one in control incidentally, battles with my rational mind and lets me know, in no uncertain terms, that we are NOT going back up there. So with saucer-like eyes I stumble to the kitchen while the two portions of my mind battle it out for control.

An hour has passed by now but my mind is still reeling with uncertainty. I haven’t found the source of the noise so there could still be a Banshee up there right? I put away the dishes and add the dirty ones to the washer. My body is still hopped up on adrenaline as I grab the only book available downstairs and head to the couch to try and read. Every little night noise sends another fix of adrenaline through my system preventing me from even blinking let alone falling asleep. And just as my rational mind begins to get a firm grasp on me…the She B!tch Hell Banshee returns!!!

As the agonizing, wailing death screech begins to assault my…wait a minute! WTF?!? It IS the @#$% smoke alarm!!!!! From the living room it isn’t so ear piercingly loud. When the hell did they change the sound of those damn things?!? Of course, knowing this now doesn’t help. This latest adrenaline surge has engraved a permenant facial tick in me and rendered my muscles nearly useless. I fumble my way back up the stairs and get a chair so I can disconnect the bloody thing. As I lay it down on the ledge, out comes the terror-of-my-night Banshee…a wee little spider no bigger than half my pinky nail looking just as jittery and bedraggled as I did. I didn’t even have the heart to squish him as he took off like a bat out of hell. At this point it’s about 4 am and I’m so full of terror juice there is no way I am going to get to sleep.  So I hop on EQ to squeeze out another AA before I have to start getting ready for work. After the AA I remembered that Kenworth wanted the spells for his shamie too so I made them and dropped them in the guild bank. You can thank the spider Ken…God I can’t wait to crash tonight… PS- I still twitch at every loud noise I hear. And my ears hurt damn it!

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